The Hitchhiker Part Deux: The Driver's Rebirth

He could see his own breath in the air. He walked around the fire to warm up his hands. The sky was becoming brighter. The time had come. He felt the burning in his hands. The power was breaking free.

He looked up and wondered where he was for a second. He came to and realized he was in the woods. He didn't remember leaving his hideout. The thought of someone finding out bothered him greatly. Suddenly, he felt much better. His mind was clear. It hit him. The power of love had broken free.

Reminders of the previous day were no longer haunting him. He decided to have a talk with the leader about his future plans. He knew he didn't want to continue on this path of violence and solitude. It was up to him to stop the Spamgun shooter. There wasn't much time left. He had to do something immediately.

He sprinted out of the forest. He followed the road all the way to his desired destination. Two knocks was all it took to get my attention. I answered the door and was shocked at what I saw. He quickly explained his dilemma and asked my assitance in bringing down the Spamgun shooter.

I was told that the hitchhiker we picked up was actually an assassin trained in the ancient art of Caro Arma. It was then that I realized I had to help. We hopped in the car and took off towards the hotel that the Spamgun shooter was staying at. We tell the woman at the desk who we were looking for, and she told us that he left that morning. She also told us that he didn't say where he was going either.

Now we had nothing to go on. We were dedicated to finding him. The library was down the street, so we decided to stop there.

We found out where the nearest Caro Arma center was. It happened to be 200 miles away. We traveled there immediately. We got out and ran inside without hesitation. He was sitting in the middle of the floor, facing away from us. We ran to him, but he was gone when we reached him.

He's quick, I'll give him that.

I scream, You scream.

I was walking through town one day, and I decided to get some ice cream. I picked out some raspberry. I concentrated solely on the delightful treat for the next few minutes. When I looked up from my fantastic dessert, I found myself in the middle of the forest. I crossed the creek that was directly in front of me. The sequence of this journey went something like this: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A. I then started my game, er, I mean mission.

I knew it was a mission because of the sign that was located at the end of the trail. It read: "Midgets at work! Beware!" That could mean only one thing. I would soon be riding a chupacabra. I placed a bomb right in front of the wall that was next to me. I crawled through the hole that was created and discovered the chupacabra I had predicted. I hopped on and was off.

As I was traveling through the strange forest, I noticed an opening in one of the many trees. I jerked on the reins, bringing my creepy little pal to a halt. I jumped off and walked slowly toward the tree. The hole was large enough for me to walk through. I found a makeshift ladder leading up. I climbed for what seemed like an eternity and finally reached the top. I stepped off of the ladder and met an elf. He told me that the princess is trapped in the dungeon of the castle. Then he started rambling on and on about his cookies, but I told him I had just eaten. He kept talking, and I just stared at him and nodded. After about 15 minutes I was allowed to pass. I went past him to find another ladder. This one went down. So I followed it the whole way down. When I reached the bottom, I happened to notice that I was farther down than I was when I entered. I continued through the labyrinth that was laid before me. It was a long journey to the end of the tunnel. An elevator awaited me upon my arrival. I got in and automatically went down. It seemed like it went for miles. When it finally stopped, I saw what appeared to be an intricate underground city. The creatures that reside in the underworld were unlike any that I had ever seen before.

I explored the vast underground empire for approximately three days. I spent the night in one of the many inns. All of the dwellers seemed to be interested by me. I believe I was the first human to step foot there. I spent one whole day trying to decipher the language they used.*

For the most part, the underground beings ignored me. They didn’t seem like a violent race, but I didn’t spend enough time there to find out all that much.

I was awakened on the third night by the sound of a siren coming from above. Nobody else acknowledged the sound. I looked around for the quickest way out, because I knew what that sound was: The Ice Cream Truck. I had not had ice cream since the fateful day that began this tale. I was only thinking of how to get out. I had looked around and finally spotted the most enjoyable way out…the escalator. It took quite a long time to get all the way up, but when I did the ice cream truck was going by once again. I knew in my heart that I was meant to get more ice cream, but was still a little fearful of what the outcome may be.

I took a risk.

I chose chocolate.

The moral of this story is: Always tie your chupacabra to a tree before you go adventuring through the uncharted territories of the subterrane.

* – I realized after a while that the creatures were speaking gibberish to confuse me.

The Hitchhiker

So today we were just driving around thinking about funny things to do. So of course we decide to pick up random people and give them rides. It didn't matter if they were wanting rides or not. They were going to accept the rides and not speak. So this one "hitchhiker" grudgingly accepts our ride. We ask him where we need to take him, and he says to take him to Central Park. Now keep in mind that we are in southern Illinois. We tell him that we just can't do that.

This is where it gets interesting. He reaches into his purse (it was a purse), and pulls out a gun made of Spam. Yes, the canned meat product. Somehow it works. He shoots out the windows and jumps out but still manages to keep hold with his left middle toe which is sticking out of his shoe. He throws his collection of daggers at the car directly behind us. Amazingly, all four of the tires get popped and become instantly flat. The driver gets out and runs at superspeed to catch up with us. He jumps on the hood of our car and punches through and grabs my arm. He tears it from the wheel and reaches for the wheel and grabs it. He drives us directly into a lake.

The "hitchhiker" tells us this enraged driver's weakness. That just so happened to be love. We all bust through the window and climb out. We swim to shore and run after the driver. We all dive at him and hug him. He begins to sweat, and the "hitchhiker" grabs a stone and it breaks into a million pieces on contact with the drivers head. I reach for the driver, but he disappears.

To this day, I only wish for one thing: To get my Avril Lavigne CD from my car.